The Bachelor’s Locky Gilbert is not tolerating anyone’s nonsense at Wednesday night’s cocktail party as he brutally kicks out one girl for launching a cringe-worthy tirade about her social media clout – and then rouses on a frontrunner for trash-talking another girl.
JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps here
LISTEN TO THE NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS PODCAST BELOW
It’s the first group date since they all returned to the mansion from lockdown so producers try to rev things up by inviting an intimacy coach.
Kaitlyn literally goes and plagiarises one of the skills listed on my LinkedIn profile.
“Intimacy is one of my stronger points and it’s something I’m really confident in,” she boasts.
All the girls have to use a Texta to draw on different parts of Locky’s body. At first it’s just boring but then it becomes both boring and petty when Bella accuses her frenemy Irena of drawing over her graffiti. (These two sentences were absolutely draining to write).
Unfortunately, Locky can’t blame any of the girls for drawing this hideous Bra Boys chest tattoo.
Steph gets taken on a private date and, in our opinion, she just shines.
“Remember when I sent you that cat video?” she asks Locky.
The conversation reaches scintillating heights.
“ … and then I got stuck in a tree,” she shrugs at the end of an anecdote. We don’t catch the beginning of this story, but that ending is honestly enough of a pay off.
Cat videos? Getting stuck in a tree? Give this woman a damn rose.
Locky doesn’t seem to feel the same way.
“Do you wanna finish that?” he nods to Steph’s champagne in a hasty attempt to wind up the date.
Let’s face it: Locky already knows who he likes. Irena is a frontrunner and he surprises everyone by rolling up to the mansion in a van and taking her on a mountain bike camping trip
“Irena, I know you’ve been out hiking and doing all kinds of crazy stuff and I love that,” he tells her in front of the group.
Bella’s head almost explodes.
“I am fuming. Irena has created this whole facade in front of Locky of being this adventurous girl who hikes every day but it’s all just this little web of lies,” she spits about her nemesis. “I think we’ve realised today the extent she’ll go to with her lies.”
She doesn’t stop. For the rest of the day, she gripes to anyone who’ll listen.
“I’m at my wits’ end with Irena. She’s a manipulative little bitch,” she shakes her head.
Honestly, she should just take comfort in the fact Irena’s being tortured on this rubbish date and having to battle the elements.
Locky hoists a tarp between some trees and makes Irena sleep on the ground.
“This is absolutely the best,” she grimaces.
After spending only a few hours with Locky over a couple of weeks, she surprises everyone with an attempt to lock it down.
“I just want you to know where my heart’s at … and I’ve fallen completely in love with you,” she says as we mutter to ourselves about her only having spent a total of five hours with him over two months.
It’s always awkward when contestants do this because The Bachelor can never reciprocate – he needs to save it for the big finale. So she just sits there on this tarp, staring at him expectantly as he smiles back.
Back at the mansion, tensions are high and some of the girls are annoyed they haven’t been taken on a single date yet. Juliette gets sucked down into a paranoia spiral and pledges to confront Locky.
“I’m gonna ask Locky, does he want me to be dull and dead in the eyes like Bella?” she monologues to herself. “‘Do you want me to be a grandma like Irena? Like, with blankets, and scratching your back and changing ya nappy? Is that what ya want, Locky?’ I thought he wanted adventure! I thought he wanted a wild woman!”
She zones in on him and demands to know why she hasn’t received a date. It makes sense. We all know that the best way to secure a date with your crush is to stage a dramatic confrontation and bully them into it.
“All through lockdown, I messaged you and tried to reach out to you,” she says. “I thought, ‘Does he know that in my DMs I’m not replying to, like, certain people from LA? I could be talking to TikTok stars and rappers. But I’m ignoring them for you. Like, Young Thug’s producer. And The Chainsmokers.”
Locky stares at her and tries not to laugh in her face.
“I … I don’t know who that is,” he stutters.
“Harvey Luna – with four million TikTok followers – follows me and talks to me!” she exclaims.
Now, I don’t know if I got the name of that TikTok person correct, but it sounded like she said Harvey Luna. Is that a person or a cartoon character? It sounds like the name of a teenage boy with a swoopy fringe. I hope these questions give Juliette some perspective on how much weight her virtual world carries.
“I have to remember who I am. Hello! I’m amazing!” she rants to us. “And if that’s too confronting for Locky, then just get rid of me. Because I have DMs to go back to.”
The screen fades to black. Silence. Suddenly, we cut to rough and ready footage in the back of the Toyota Camry as Juliette is being driven away from the mansion.
This is some Spielberg-level directing and we commend the producers. People complain that original Australian storytelling is dead on television but tonight we learn it’s alive and well.
We cut to Locky standing wide-eyed in the backyard.
“I think it was the right thing to send Juliette home. I mean, I don’t think she’s the right person for me,” he says, not even pretending to hide the fact he dumped her after that obnoxious tirade about her social media clout.
He’s on a roll and eliminating girls on this show like it’s a game of whack-a-mole. So when Bella pulls him away to trash-talk Irena, you better believe he strikes.
“Irena … I just don’t want her manipulating her way through this and you getting on the outside and being like, ‘Ah, sorry? I don’t know who you are because you lied your way through this’,” she tells him. “It’s a web of lies she has created! And she forgets the fact that she’s lied about them!”
Locky isn’t impressed. Keep in mind, Bella’s a frontrunner – but so is Irena. And this sniping just tips him over the edge. He’s not here for drama. He owns an adventure sport company in Bali – he wants good vibes and good times only. And I’ll bet a hundred bucks that’s actually the slogan of his company. He’s probably got it printed on a bumper sticker on the back of his Jeep Wrangler.
“I’m actually pretty upset. I’ve seen a side of Bella I didn’t think I would see,” he says. “What really upsets me is being told what to think about someone else. What Bella told me tonight won’t change my opinion of Irena … but it may make me rethink my opinion of Bella.”
He gets exasperated with Bella. “She hasn’t said anything bad about you, ever!”
Bella knows she has overstepped. So when they all head to the rose ceremony and find out two girls will go home, she’s worried.
There are still some nobodies to get rid of so obviously we know she’s safe. But she doesn’t understand this.
He picks up the final rose but immediately places it back down on that silver platter.
“Can I talk to you for a second, Bella?” he asks.
He drags her outside but remains in the doorway so the cameras can get a clear shot.
“Tonight I saw a side of you that … I don’t think I liked,” he says.
Yeah! Tell her!
She scrambles and begs. He goes to walk back inside but she grabs his sleeve and he stops.
“I’ve spoken to you every day for the past three months,” she sulks. “Irena means nothing to me in the big scheme of things. I just feel like there’s so much more depth to us than this. I’ve told you from the beginning my priority is us. I don’t wanna lose you. It freaks me out.”
Yawn. This is beyond clinger behaviour. They go back inside and of course she gets the final rose. But Locky’s stern warning was enough to shake her.
It means he has to boot some chick whose name we don’t know – plus the girl who got stuck in that tree.
Keep climbin’ those trees, weird girl. Keep climbin’ those trees.