This week The Block unveiled its guest ensuites. And I’ve gotta ask, has the world gone mad or have I? The scoring was bonkers this week. Do the judges need to go to Specsavers or do I? Let’s workshop this.
JIMMY AND TAM CAME FIRST
Did I unknowingly smoke the plant in Luke and Jasmin’s bathroom? Because this ensuite is like a bad trip. There’s no way to say it nicely: the room is diabolical. Potential buyers will be so turned off by the colour scheme. The teal tiles and basin remind me of the prison uniforms on Wentworth. I’m afraid Boomer’s going to shiv me in the shower for stealing her Tim Tams.
The gold trim around the door, window and shower recess is equally garish. Outside of the terrazzo tiles and stool there’s nothing redeemable here. If those handleless Narnia doors closed on me and I couldn’t escape this ensuite you’d hear my screams from space. Someone hold me until the pain goes away.
SARAH AND GEORGE SCORED SECOND PLACE
While overall the vibe in here is appealing, the biggest mishap for George and Sarah this week was spatial planning. The footprint they were playing with was so large they could have gotten a bath in this zone. That would have appealed to buyers way more than George’s deuce dungeon, which seemed to be an oddly important inclusion for the couple.
I appreciate the period details in the vanity and tapware, so there is legitimate reason for praise here. And they did think of functionality. But those pink wall tiles will not date well. Like with Ginger’s decision to leave the Spice Girls, I’m not on-board with this at all. It still hurts Geri, it still hurts.
LUKE AND JASMIN CAME IN THIRD
Luke and Jasmin were The Block version of a 2004 Anthony Callea: robbed of the win! What is going on with the scoring? The duo bounced back from fifth place last week and delivered a pretty impressive ensuite. The glass shower screen was the highlight of the room, while the vanity they finally landed on was a winner too.
Overall it felt elegant and refined, with floor tiles that were subtle yet sublime. The gold accents aren’t mind-blowing, but I can forgive it. They met the brief in terms of reimagining period details for a 2020 market, but it’ll also appeal to buyers who are looking at it purely from a form and function perspective. Totally deserving of first place.
DANIEL AND JADE LANDED IN FOURTH PLACE
I do agree with Neale: this is how you’d describe a luxury bathroom in 2020. However, I’m already over the constant criticism about harking back to a bygone era. I don’t think a buyer will walk into this space and ponder where the 30s references are. They won’t care because overall the ensuite was delicious.
The vanity was superb and so was the mirror. I do take issue with just one basin though. Basins in bathrooms are like the Hemsworth brothers: one is good but two are better. There was definitely room for improvement. But overall I feel the same way about this bathroom as I do about a possible Bardot reunion: I want it, I need it, I’ve gotta have it.
HARRY AND TASH CAME LAST
Let’s start with the positive here: that vanity was a stunner. I’ve not been this impressed by curves since Kim Kardashian shot that Paper magazine cover. But that’s where the good times end in this ensuite.
Heavily patterned floor tiles, bright blue tiles, large grey tiles, and an arched mirror. There were too many things to look at here and no safe place to rest your eyes. It was louder than a toddler on a Tiger flight. And my feedback with both scenarios is the same: please turn down the volume.
Harry and Tash were the frontrunners for me last week but sadly they bombed here. Nothing about this bathroom feels refined, carefully considered or luxurious. No potential buyer will be wowed by this room. I hope they get a re-do round this year because we need to scrap everything and start again.
Chris Carroll is the Melbourne-based designer behind TLC Interiors; an interior design studio and home style blog helping everyday Aussies transform their spaces without breaking the bank. www.tlcinteriors.com.au | Instagram