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Problem with Meghan’s return to TV

Meghan and Harry’s $150 million Netflix deal will see them produce woke documentaries and it honestly sounds so interesti- …Sorry. I accidentally fell asleep writing that sentence while thinking about all the woke documentaries I won’t be watching.Woke documentaries? What a buzzkill. I’d rather watch a picture-in-picture marathon of The Big Bang Theory and Two…

Meghan and Harry’s $150 million Netflix deal will see them produce woke documentaries and it honestly sounds so interesti- …

Sorry. I accidentally fell asleep writing that sentence while thinking about all the woke documentaries I won’t be watching.

Woke documentaries? What a buzzkill. I’d rather watch a picture-in-picture marathon of The Big Bang Theory and Two and a Half Men.

She was a Deal Or No Deal briefcase girl and he has no experience in business or entertainment. Now they’ve started a production company as a vanity project and signed on with the streaming giant to release a string of programs over the next few years.

In a statement about the deal, the couple said they’d be producing “inspirational” programming.

We don’t need inspirational programming. We all worship at the altar of Instagram spirituality and have unlimited access to motivational quotes with jumbled metaphors from fitfluencers.

These docos and other projects will probably be about genuinely important subjects and address real issues. But Harry and Meghan whacking their names on a video isn’t going to change the world.

They need to make some bolder choices with their programming slate and give us some entertainment.

The first one is obvious: Create another game show where Meghan has to stand still while holding a briefcase. Boom. I’ll send you my invoice, Ted Sarandos.

Give the people what they want! And what we want is DIY home reno shows. They should’ve filmed the renovation of that dusty old Frogmore Cottage that they wasted everyone’s money on.

Just imagine the compelling footage of them fighting about statement lamps in the middle of a Freedom on a Saturday morning. There could’ve been an entire story arc about Meghan wanting a chic marble benchtop in the kitchen while Harry pushed for a marble-look laminate instead, to keep the project under budget. We could’ve watched hours of dashcam footage as they drove around to tile showrooms in a sponsorship Suzuki Vitara.

A cooking show also has to be added to their line-up. Remember when Meghan and Harry toured Australia and she tried baking a loaf of banana bread but it kinda failed and then she brought it to a group of CWA ladies who just pursed their lips? We’d totally watch a cooking show of Meghan attempting basic recipes and failing miserably. Relatable content is all the rage and they should lean into that. Audiences respond well to flaws.

They could also rip off the Gogglebox format and just film themselves on the couch watching The Crown. Meghan probably gets sassy after one or two evening pinot grigios and she’d be spitting some slam-dunk one-liners at the TV while Harry kicked back in his recliner.

Maybe they can pick up Neighbours, too. It was reported this week the Aussie soap could be under threat with the suspension of local content quotas once applied to commercial TV networks.

Neighbours is huge in the UK. If Harry saves it, it would certainly rectify his image back home. He probably grew up watching Toadie and the gang.

It would be the jewel in their programming crown – and Meghan would be stunning as Susan Kennedy. Now that’s the role of a lifetime.

THE ULTIMATE AUSTRALIAN TEST

In another round of Stars! They’re Just Like Us, Zac Efron has been snapped catching a Jetstar flight.

I haven’t been this shook since the Hemsworths went off-brand and wore shoes that one time.

Zac has been hiding out in Byron Bay during the pandemic but whirled down to Thredbo for a quick getaway. He flew back into Ballina this week and that’s when he was snapped disembarking the Jetstar flight.

Anyone who suffers through a regional Jetstar flight should become an honorary Australian. It should be mandatory as part of the citizenship test.

It’s a strange thing to imagine – Zac sitting there on the Jetstar flight, surrounded by passengers wearing Maseur sandals and FIFO workers drinking rum at 8am on a Monday.

And of course they all would’ve gone feral the moment the plane touched down – shooting up from their seats to grab their crap out of the overhead compartment while a flighty screeched at them about the seatbelt sign not yet being switched off.

He now just needs to attend a live sporting event where Christine Anu and/or Kate Ceberano perform a cover song. Then he’ll really be one of us.

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir

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